Ari's Journal; The musings of one paladin.

[Arivanna Bloodroot]

It's hard to write a journal entry... I've spent a lot of time trying not to think about things, to avoid them... but I guess that's changing today. That monster I used to be, isn't who I am now... and I have to move past it. Still, is that easy for other people? To move past their own past? To forgive themselves... I almost cannot understand how they do it. I constantly doubt I'll ever be able to. I doubt I am the person everyone says I am, a noble and good shining light in their lives. Maybe I just need to reflect more on things. Maybe I just need to pray for absolution... I honestly don't know what to do.


She sat there for a few moments, staring at the pages in her journal. This was harder than she'd anticipated. Still, she felt like she had to write out something or this was all for nothing! So grabbing her quill again she began to write more.



Onward to actual events. It seems a lot of my problems are finally coming to an end, at least a good majority of them. This is such a comforting thought! I was so tired of being depressed, of having to think of plans to circumvent them.


Let's start with Kat. Who could of expected that one move, one single action, could cause so much freaking trouble? I knew it would haunt me... cause me to be in constant distress... but I didn't know it would quite literally come to haunt me. She was so determined to attack me, probably end my life completely. Why? I have no idea. I -saved- one of her members, and one of her good friends. Natasha and Celeste were both in danger, and I made sure they were going to live. Heck, if it wasn't for me... Natasha would of perished that day entirely. So why was Kat so determined to harm me? As I write this, it boggles my mind. I hear stories about her... from friends who've met her... and I am beginning to doubt their claims. She loves her misfits? Will do anything for them? Well... when I defend them she wishes to stop me. Selective empathy is not a good thing, it's a bad thing. We have to remember that everyone is capable of being good, Kat included. I never wished to fight her, to do this. In fact I told everyone else to not kill her... much to some people's dismay. I suppose I may never understand her, but I'll keep an eye on her... for if she does harm an innocent, or someone whom is good... I have to stop her... confrontation be damned! Even if I am harmed, even if I die, how can I ignore someone ready to kill someone else for such a petty reason?



There's another pause, another moment to reflect on this. She didn't hate Kat at all, but how could any paladin follow her? With a shake of her head she continues.



Lia, my own love, and I have been having some problems. They all stem from me unfortunately. Those same doubts I am a good person plague me into believing I am bad for her. She's told me she loves me, and I believe her. She's told me that she feels safe around me, and again I believe her... but I doubt myself I am truly something positive in her life. Still, a paladin must follow the three virtues, and tenacity is one. I'll stick with her until either she leaves me, or I perish. Today she met Anita, my recently adopted daughter. I was so afraid she'd leave me right then and there. We'd talked about children in the past, and she wished to wait... and here I bring a child into my life almost against her wishes. I didn't intend to, I just wanted to help a child... but that's what happened. To my surprise she seemed to like Anita! She seemed to think she was adorable! She wishes to stay with me! It's hard to explain in words how happy I was at this! Seems I really did pick someone who'd stick with me too.


She smiles at this at her desk. Fear had almost over taken her, but she fought against it and reaped the rewards.



Lastly for this journal entry... I move onto my friend Tyr. He's almost a copy of me. He wear's his heart on his sleave... follows his ideals and morals to the end... and is willing to do anything to follow these ideals. Sound familiar? We became good friends almost immediately when I met him... and I'm thankful for him. The other day I met his sister, whom he was worried was dead. To my surprise... not only was she alive, but she was being TORTURED for information regarding Tyr! An innocent young woman... being tortured for their pleasure! I almost marched into Silvermoon and attacked the Blood Knights right then and there! That would of just gotten me killed though.... so with the help of my good friend Kota... I left and spent some time thinking about a plan to save her.


A deep sigh escapes Ari's lips. She had messed up big.... and she was going to pay for it. The thought alone was depressing. She continues writing.



Tyr and began to form a plan, but I needed to talk to his sister to figure out if she even wanted rescue. If she really felt like she even could be. This is where things took a disasterous turn. It seemed like she wanted too! I was so overjoyed! As we spoke... twelve city guard, and a rather intimidating Blood Knight approached. She was terrified... I'd never seen a girl look as she did. A fire lit within me. I. Was. Not. Going. To. Let. Her. Be. Tortured. AGAIN!!! I acted fast... I used as much of the Light as I could... activating a relic to help me... and bursted in holy energy. The relic... would prove to almost be my downfall. It shattered, and did work. The Light teleported Tyr's sister away... but that explosion was extremely powerful. My life nearly ended right that second... almost all of the city guard's lives DID end... but she was safe... that was the only thing I felt good about. I conjured Anita to me, gave her all the anima I had... and we teleported using an anima pathway back to Tyr, back to the farm. Now we depart to find his sister... to save her once again...